How to understand what is shy. How to overcome shyness and improve your mental state

It is better to start solving the problem with analysis. Therefore, do not be too lazy to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be extremely specific. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate which people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or people in power.

When you break down a problem into parts, it already seems more solvable.

Then try to arrange the recorded situations in order of increasing anxiety (probably calling a stranger causes less anxiety than speaking in front of an audience).

In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome more and more difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, respectively, will decrease.

2. Fix your strengths

Another list to help you in your battle against shyness should be about your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is in. Fight it mercilessly, reminding yourself of your own splendor (this is not a joke).

Try to find reverse side even the shortcomings. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should be used as well.

3. Decide on a goal

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly it prevents you from doing. It is possible that the formulated goal will become an impetus for overcoming the old problem.

Even though I perform, write and host radio shows, I am an introvert at heart. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. It required me to get out of my shell and take the message to the world. I overcame my shyness by realizing that only I can ensure that my message is delivered correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself. public performance and meeting new people.

Eric Holtzclaw

4. Practice

Skills need to be honed, and those that interfere with life should be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

• Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in the brain that runs in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go from the opposite and do the opposite of what you are used to. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking that in a conversation you are taking a position of deaf defense? Try asking the interviewee a few questions.
• Talk to strangers. Try to talk to one person at least once a day. a stranger(preferably with a random passer-by). You will most likely never see him again, so feel free to hone your communication skills on him.
• In general, communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to speeches, say hello to those you often meet but never greet.
• Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party but are afraid to approach them? Practice on those present who cause less embarrassment. If we are talking about acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the right person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
• And always prepare for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with the audience. This will give you confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you focus on the other person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.

6. Try new things

Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will positively affect your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation master classes. Such exercises help to liberate.

7. Watch your body language

Eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, as well as smiling and shaking hands firmly, inform those around you of your confidence and openness. Moreover, with these signals, you deceive your brain a little and really begin to feel more free.

8. Say “no” less often

A lot has been said about. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed both in word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unreasonable fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say yes to the opportunities that life presents.

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10. Don't advertise your shyness

Do not focus your attention and others on the fact that you have communication problems. This is how you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your permanent trait.

Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that this is an accident, talk about it lightly, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, and not a reaction to stress. And never characterize yourself in front of strangers as a shy person. Let them make up own opinion and notice other, more interesting features of yours.

Know other ways to stop being shy? Tell us about them in the comments.

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 13 minutes

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Shy people always suffer from their shyness. Even if they don't realize it. Moreover, they, as a rule, do not turn to specialists precisely because of shyness.

This vicious circle does not allow them to become free people and improve own life. Although many argue that shyness has its own charm ...

What is shyness and shyness - where did it come from, and how do they manifest themselves?

The term "shyness" refers to the inability to clearly and openly, without fear, to express themselves and declare their interests.

This condition usually develops on the basis of complex " little man» in which this person feels guilty for causing inconvenience to others, considers himself uninteresting to society, and so on.

But, if you dig even deeper, shyness goes hand in hand with cowardice, self-doubt, fear, complexes and false modesty.

Video: Shyness is the cause of failure

False shyness - or true shyness?

It is important to distinguish true shyness from! When a person is embarrassed because the shameful actions that the situation requires are beyond his morals, this is decent shyness and quite normal behavior.

Another thing is when a person's shyness begins to take the form of a noticeable self-doubt - this phenomenon definitely needs to be fought.

If not on your own, then with the help of specialists.

The main reasons for shyness usually include:

• Fear. Fear of rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding, etc.
• Cowardice.
• Low self-esteem , lack of confidence.
• Dependence on someone else's opinion and self-doubt.
• presence of complexes.
• Closeness of character , closedness.
• Loneliness, isolation from society . Lack of basic skills necessary for free communication.
• Genetics and parental example . Shy notorious parents most often have equally shy notorious children.
• experienced psychological trauma , fear of communication with others.
• Abundance of criticism in the family , constant humiliation and life in prohibitions, "puritan" education.
• Ignorance.

Studying the causes of shyness, we can confidently say that shyness is based mainly on human complexes, internal tightness caused by specific factors. And the question - to treat or not to treat shyness - disappears by itself.

If we are not talking about behavior that is normal for a well-mannered and worthy person, which is expressed in healthy embarrassment, as a reaction to this or that “unhealthy” situation, then we are talking about shyness, which can and should be eradicated, gradually changing it to self-confidence, the right to speak, think and act as your heart and head tell you.

Is shyness always a disadvantage: negative and positive sides

The advantages of shyness include the following advantages (if we talk about shyness as a side of character, and not as a result of psycho-traumas and complexes):

1. Shy people are highly sensitive . Their friendship and love is always strong and indestructible. If a shy person found the strength to trust and open up, which means that he raised his “visor” and let his feelings fly free. And the power of feelings of a closed person is always powerful, and this “tsunami” (without fail) is preceded by a thorough analysis - is it really possible to open up and trust a partner (friend).
2. Shyness makes a person be more careful and therefore more attentive and less vulnerable.
3. A shy person is self-critical and is able to form a more adequate assessment of one's own "I".
4. Shyness strengthens family relationships and even enhances the fullness of sensations in intimate life(many men note the excitement that is caused by the shyness of a woman).
5. Shy people are often referred to as secular, sophisticated, aristocratic. . Shyness puts a person in a favorable light - as a serious, modest, not causing harm and pain to other people, not capable of "dirty".
6. Shy people are more picky about their friends. and community in general.
7. Shy people listen more, talk less , avoid conflicts, prudent and choosy.
8. Shy people don't stand out from the crowd , they seem to walk around in masks of shyness, allowing them to remain anonymous.

Among the disadvantages of shyness:

• Without a certain amount of arrogance and assertiveness in this world, it is difficult to make your way.
• Shy people find it difficult to climb career ladder They just don't notice.
• The personal life of shy people is a separate issue. For the same reason.
• Despite the love of men for shy girls, in fact, they pay attention more often to relaxed and self-confident ladies.
• Shy people do not know how to say “no”, which is why they are often hung up with extra work, borrowing and not paying back, and so on.
• A shy person has great difficulty solving problems that require communication with strangers.
• Shy people are often deprived of the classic joys of relaxation because they are too shy to sing, dance, express their emotions in general. And emotions that are not splashed out in time are once grouped into severe depression and neurasthenia.
• Shy people are too vulnerable and too sensitive, they react very painfully to any reproach, to criticism, to comments about their shortcomings.
• Shy people are closer to the world of illusions - fantasies, dreams, movies and book novels than the real "cruel" world. As a result, there is a lack of an adequate assessment of reality as a whole. A shy person who fails to adequately evaluate people and relationships is often the victim of deceit and more serious actions.

Video: How to stop being shy? | Shyness

How to overcome shyness in 10 easy steps - tips that really work

To fight or not to fight shyness?

Definitely fight! Especially if it interferes with your life, and you yourself are aware of it.

How to fight?

A lot of books have been written on this topic and no less films have been shot, but we will single out the main advice of experts separately - in 10 simple steps that will help you cope with this "disease" and gain self-confidence:

1. We do what we fear the most. Take a pen, write down a list of all situations in which your shyness manifests itself. Let's start with the most serious ones. For example, “speak in front of everyone at the institute”, or “meet a young man on the street”, or “go to a dance school”, and so on. Did you write a list? And now, strictly on points, starting from the very first, we knock out a wedge with a wedge! We prepare a lecture and speak with it at the institute. Then we meet on the street. Next, we enroll in a dance school, etc. If it’s difficult, you can start from the end of the list, from the easiest situations.
2. We keep a diary of observations. Carry a notebook with you and write down every situation that makes you feel embarrassed and anxious. At home, analyze these situations and analyze why you were embarrassed and what to do so that this does not happen again. For example: “The situation is to ask the driver to stop the minibus; The reason for embarrassment is that people will pay attention; The level of embarrassment is 5 points out of 10, ”and now we are looking for a way to cope with excitement.
3. Self-confidence can be feigned! Over time, you will get involved, you will like it, and it will be possible to be confident in yourself quite sincerely.
4. Speak little, slowly and loudly. Train at home. Sign up for a theater group - it liberates even the most shy personalities.
5. Nobody cares about you! Remember this. In fact, people don't really care what you're wearing, whether your voice is trembling, whether you're worried, and so on. Therefore, worrying about people who do not care about you simply does not make sense.
6. Love yourself the way you are. . Self-confident people don't waste time worrying about being short, narrow-shouldered, teeth that aren't too white, burrs, or anything else. Self-confident people accept themselves the way nature created them.
7. Smile, gentlemen! A smile is always a sign of a confident person. Start in the morning with a mirror. Then smile at passers-by, neighbors, colleagues, and so on. And be sure to look the person in the eye when you smile. In response, people start smiling too (in 90% of cases), and your self-confidence will grow by leaps and bounds along with your mood.
8. Sign up for sections, circles where you will be forced to communicate with people and constantly struggle with shyness.
9. Attend group thematic trainings which are held for shy people to help them cope with shyness.
10. Change your surroundings more often. Travel constantly. Create situations for yourself in which you have to go beyond the usual limits and get out of your comfortable shell.

Video: How to finally stop being shy?

And also…

• Looking for motivation! For example, career. Or a loved one. Or a dream - to dance the tango on stage.
• Analyze your life and find the reasons for your shyness.
• Learn from other people's experiences in the fight against shyness.
• Develop your sense of humor – it helps even in the most extreme situations maintain inner balance.
• Fight your fears : study your fears under a magnifying glass, simulate situations of getting rid of fears.
• Do more stupid things and get cheeky . For example, buy yourself a motorcycle instead of a car. Or sing a song on your balcony in the middle of the night—loudly for everyone to hear. Change your image radically so that everyone is stunned by what a fatal beauty you turn out to be. Take a person you like for a walk.
• Go in for sports . Sport not only gives beautiful shapes, but also tempers the spirit, and also raises self-esteem. Sign up immediately with gym and look for a coach who will teach you not only to create a relief body, but to be yourself.
• Constantly ask passers-by what time it is and how to get to house number 14 . It doesn't matter that you have a watch, but there is no house number 14 on this street - just ask. Every day - 20-30 times, regardless of gender and age.

What to do if you can’t cope with painful shyness, who to turn to for help?

The extreme degree of shyness is experienced by every 10th person on the planet. This every 10th shy fellow can only feel relaxed at home, alone.

Of course, it is extremely difficult to cure this “ailment” only with sports if the disease has already reached the level of “I can’t call an ambulance because I’m embarrassed.”

Therefore, if your shyness is already beyond all conceivable boundaries, then you need a comprehensive and powerful treatment. And without the help of specialists, most likely, it will not work.

Who and what can help you - and direct you in the right direction?

1. Psychologists.
2. Specialists who give recommendations remotely - online.
3. Group trainings.
4. Special books with practical guides.
5. Thematic films that charge with positive, teach you to deal with shyness and set you up for exploits.

Do not try to get rid of shyness in a month. This process can take up to a year. But gradually, step by step, with regular exercises, which have long been written by experienced psychologists, you will get rid of this shortcoming.

Have there been similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Shyness, its impact on human life. Causes and main symptoms this behavior. Actual ways to deal with shyness.

The content of the article:

Shyness is emotional condition which makes a person feel discomfort, lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. This feeling is inherent in everyone, but the degree of manifestation is different for everyone. Its formation is influenced by upbringing in the family circle and the experience of the past. The fear of everything new and unfamiliar makes a person withdraw into himself, can lead to mental disorders.

The impact of shyness on a person's life

If a person is tactful, moderately embarrassed, does not raise his voice, this indicates his good upbringing. But, if there is always a sense of fear for everything new, the fear of being the center of attention and doing something wrong, you need to sound the alarm and look for all sorts of ways to overcome shyness before it's too late.

A shy person is not always an eternally embarrassed and withdrawn person, he can play a role by wearing a quiet mask in public, and behave aggressively and hostilely with relatives. This type of behavior results from the inability to speak one's mind in public or act according to own desires, after which he finds relaxation in family quarrels, and the key to this attitude lies deep in children's upbringing. Even in infancy, you need to think about the consequences of parental influence.

Result of shyness:

• Lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities. A person with this quality loses the ability to independently manage his life, follows the lead of others, while having his own point of view, but eventually abandoning it. Such people are unable to get a job (they are afraid not to pass the interview and be ridiculed).
• Manifestation of fear of authorities and members of the opposite sex. In the presence of strangers, they feel discomfort and suppression, they are afraid to take the initiative, they do not say what they think, and they live by the principle - it is better not to do anything so that they do not scold. Basically, such people are closed and practically do not communicate with representatives of another article (considering themselves unworthy of their attention). They prefer virtual communication and do not make new live acquaintances.
• Various phobias. Shy people cannot force themselves to behave adequately and think clearly, while being subjected to constant fears, which subsequently lead to a depressive state. A shy person in most cases lives his life alone or with his family, never daring to find mutual language with society. Unwanted shyness can lead to global phobias, which in turn will overshadow the taste of life with sheer fear of all living things.

The main causes of shyness

Opinions converged on such causes of shyness, consider each of them:

1. Heredity. If in a married couple someone is conducive to the manifestation of shyness, then such a feature can be inherited by a child at the genetic level.
2. Influence of upbringing. A child subjected to constant prohibitions, reproaches and humiliation is at risk of becoming insecure with age.
3. Failure to make contact. This reason is due to the fact that elementary communication skills are not formed.
4. Low self-esteem. A person who is constantly criticized and condemned eventually loses faith in himself and his abilities.
5. social anxiety. People who are constantly afraid of being rejected, fall face down in the mud.
6. Bad experience. If a person has experienced a mental trauma in the past that shocked him, then later isolation and fear of others may occur.
7. Created stereotypes. A child who is constantly praised is afraid to stumble and, as a result, is silent, does not express his point of view.

Important! Shyness is not a disease! An overly shy person sees no merit in himself and because of this is subject to his own condemnation. But everything can be changed with a little effort.

The main signs of shyness in a person

There are such forms of signs of shyness:

• External signs: a person does not start a conversation first, looks away from the interlocutor, speaks quietly and uncertainly, answers briefly to the questions posed to him and does not support the dialogue with response stories or questions, looking for an excuse to hide from attention.
• Internal signs: such people know in advance that they are not interesting to others, constantly feel hostile looks on themselves, mentally shame and condemn themselves, are embarrassed in society and feel helpless, awkward.
• Physiological signs: sweating, tears, shaking hands, redness of the face, fragility in the body, chill in the abdomen, rapid heartbeat.

Note! If a person is aggressive, this does not mean that he is self-confident and has an overestimated self-esteem. Take a closer look, maybe this is a mask behind which fear and contempt for oneself are hidden.

Features of getting rid of shyness

Psychologists have developed an actual step-by-step technique that will tell you in detail how to deal with shyness:

1. Appearance. If a person is shy and always feels a sense of fear, then a stereotype is triggered that he dresses in dark colors that are not conspicuous to others, is untidy, does not follow his appearance - because he is not interested in this, this is not the main thing in his life. By changing your wardrobe and style, there is a new look. By emphasizing your attractive parts of the body, changing your usual hairstyle, a feeling of sympathy for yourself arises, which in the future will push the feeling of hostility towards yourself into the background.
2. Getting rid of idols. Creating an ideal for himself, a person mentally compares it with himself, as a result of which he acquires self-doubt and, without noticing it, begins to reproach himself for the discrepancy. Convinced of the superiority of another person, there is a desire to completely imitate him, while hiding his own merits and acquiring many complexes. It must be remembered that there are no ideal people, everyone has both pluses and minuses. Getting rid of idols, a person throws out from his subconscious the formed complexes that suppressed his own ego.
3. Sociability. Avoiding communication with others, a person protects himself from the knowledge of the world, from friends and acquaintances. The fault of the inability to conduct a dialogue is a small vocabulary, the inability to competently and accurately express the essence of thought, the fear of saying something wrong and being ridiculed as a result. overcome this problem It is possible by reading and applying various practical techniques that are aimed at developing the speech apparatus. For example, E. Lapteva " Tutorial for the development of speech. 1000 Russian tongue twisters for speech development”; D. Carnegie "How to develop self-confidence and influence people by speaking in public" and many others.
4. Blanks. Shy people are afraid to get into unfamiliar situations, in order to avoid embarrassment, you need to rehearse your actions in advance. It is advisable to write down some kind of blanks for a particular situation on paper and work out the sequence of your gestures, words, facial expressions in front of a mirror, which will help you gain experience, confidence in communicating with people, and subsequently protect you from incidents.
5. Getting rid of muscle clamps. All people with shyness feel stiffness of movements during communication, their fear tries to protect a person from negativity, hiding behind the so-called bodily shell. The clamp created by the body does not allow you to freely express your emotions, while feeling discomfort and muscle spasm. You can get rid of the shell with the help of breathing exercises that will fill the body with energy, through massage, which will help relax tense muscles.

How to overcome shyness

Many people wonder how to get rid of shyness. First of all, it is necessary to raise self-esteem, begin to listen to yourself and push the opinions of outsiders into the background.

How to get rid of shyness in children

Ways to deal with this feature of the child are varied:

• It is necessary to reduce the list of bans for it. If the baby is forbidden everything, he can withdraw into himself, in fear of doing something wrong.
• Introducing the child to the need to greet passers-by. This method will allow the baby to easily come into contact with people.
• In no case should you compare a child with someone else, because this can lead to the creation of an unwanted idol and a decrease in self-esteem.
• If the baby did something wrong, do not condemn him in the presence of strangers, but talk to him alone, thereby protecting your child from the fear of the public in the future.
• Parents should not put forward excessive demands on the child, because, without calculating his capabilities, you can unconsciously harm.
• By allowing the child to make his own choices in a given situation, parents will allow him to gain a sense of significance and confidence.

How to overcome shyness in women

First of all, you need to make a list of positive qualities (if you can’t complete the task yourself, you can ask a friend or relative to do this). It is advisable to add to the list those qualities that you would like to have. Every morning and evening, peering into the mirror, you need to reread what you have written. This method will increase self-esteem and help you realize that not everything is as bad as it seemed.

Secondly, in some women, shyness is provided for by an old-fashioned upbringing, but, looking around, you need to realize that everything flows and everything changes. Only the one who keeps up with the times will achieve success.

Thirdly, you need to learn to calmly accept your mistakes. Ideal people do not exist. Everyone tends to make mistakes, because only thanks to their mistakes a person gains experience in the future.

How to get rid of shyness for men

How to overcome male shyness:

• First, many men are shy of women. To overcome this fear, it is necessary to imagine a situation of communication and rehearse it with the help of an inanimate object or a toy.
• Secondly, you should develop your communication skills, this can be achieved by expanding your vocabulary and gradually using it in practice.
• Third, to stop being afraid love relationships with a girl, for a start, just make friends with her, and during communication, fear will dissipate itself.

Shyness in front of people and fear of communication is a common problem. Most often, introverted people and teenagers face it. It is for them that it is extremely important what impression they make on others and whether others like them.

What is shyness? In psychology, this is the state of a person and the behavior caused by it, the main features of which are uncertainty, indecision, awkwardness, stiffness in movements and manifestations of one's own personality.

Various psychological schools explain the root causes of shyness in their own way and, accordingly, offer different options for solving the problem. Each person decides for himself which of them is closer to his personality, character and life experience.

1. Differential psychology. According to this theory, shyness is innate and inherited. Confidence cannot be learned. A rather pessimistic view of the problem, because an innate property of a person cannot be changed.
2. Behaviorism. According to the theory of behaviorism, any human behavior is a reaction to incoming stimuli, which under certain circumstances and the strength of emotional involvement becomes part of the personality. So it is with shyness - people could not master the feeling of fear for stimuli social environment which eventually led to a pathological insecurity in communicating with people.
3. Psychoanalysis. Psychoanalysts explain shyness by the presence of an unconscious conflict in the personality structure. In their opinion, this is the reaction of the unconscious to unsatisfied instinctive needs and the conflict between moral norms, reality and instincts.
4. Individual psychology. Followers of this trend have actively explored shyness and the closely related “inferiority complex” that appears in childhood when a child begins to compare himself with his peers, he often encounters his own imperfections and begins to feel embarrassed about his appearance, his abilities, his family, etc. If a child does not have enough self-confidence, he becomes fearful, withdrawn, passive. However, it is in this direction of psychology that special attention is paid to the possibilities of self-development of the individual, i.e. shyness is not a predetermined problem, which means that it is possible to get rid of it through work on oneself.
5. The theory of "high reactivity". According to her, the tendency to be shy is the body's reaction to overload. In this case, the consequences of this reaction can be two options:

• the child seeks to “avoid”, does not like to communicate and get acquainted, becomes insecure and fearful in public;
• the child enters the struggle, is overly self-confident.

Shyness can be based on two causes: natural and social. Natural means character, temperament, type nervous system. Under the social - the influence of education, environment, communication within the family.

Why is shyness dangerous?

Shyness and fear of people have common roots.

• the second is more related to personality pathologies and manifests itself in experiencing a feeling of fear in the presence of strangers and in the process of communication;
• the first - it is considered a common occurrence and does not cause concern to parents if their child is inclined to be shy in the company and avoid strangers, is afraid to get to know each other. An adult considers this quality a trait of character and the specifics of temperament, with which nothing needs to be done, but one has only to come to terms with.

Pathological fear of people is managed with medication or through sessions with a psychologist, and shyness is most often ignored. However, this is not entirely true.

In the context of life, shyness and inability to communicate can sometimes bring a person a lot of problems and missed opportunities, if you do not start working with it.

Shyness in most cases leads to:

• narrowing the circle of contacts. It is difficult for a shy person to get acquainted independently, to communicate freely. Usually, such people are limited to interaction in the family circle. At the same time, most often they suffer because of this - because they really need diverse communication;
• shyness affects the objectivity of the perception of the situation. When a problem occurs or stressful situation- a shy person often becomes illogical, forgetful;
• a shy person can rarely speak openly and defend his opinion;
• shyness is the cause of depression and reduced emotional background, shy people tend to feel dissatisfied;
• the poor emotional and social life of a person who tends to be shy leads to physical weakness and fatigue, muscle cramps, and stoop.

Based on the consequences of shyness listed above, it becomes obvious that it must be combated.

Shyness leads not only to negative feelings of fear and insecurity, but also reduces social adaptation, significantly affects the mental and physical level of personality development.

What to do?

Psychologists have developed exercises, performing which a person will understand how to stop being afraid of people, reduce general level anxiety and a tendency to be shy in relationships with people and overcome their shyness.

1. In any communication situation, when you start to be afraid of others, remember that shyness is an ordinary feeling that has no objective reasons. It arises on the basis of a chain of thoughts that follows the feeling - I will be funny, I look ugly, I will not be able to talk decently, I am afraid to answer, etc. And all this is happening in your mind, although in reality everything may look exactly the opposite. Always keep this in mind when you start to feel shy or afraid of people.
2. Act in spite of the emerging feeling of shyness. Try to meet new people more and talk openly about your feelings.

Each time, acting overcoming your fears, you put a new positive experience into the “piggy bank” of your consciousness, on which your courage and confidence in relationships with people will subsequently be built.

1. Learn to speak and respond thinking only about your goal of communication, discarding all other thoughts. Forget all "what if". Keep in mind only your goal and the options for achieving it.
2. When communicating with people, avoid excessive politeness and a large number introductory phrases. Build a conversation clearly and do not "mumble". Learn to speak a little, but to the point.
3. In moments of particular anxiety and fear, use breathing techniques. In yoga, they are actively used and help to manage their condition and minimize embarrassment.

How to remove shyness from your life

In addition to certain exercises that reduce situational shyness, allow you to manage your condition and not be shy in communication, psychologists have identified rules for attitudes towards life, oneself and other people. Building your lifestyle according to them, the question of how to stop being afraid of people will be closed:

1. Understand (by yourself or with the help of a psychologist) the reasons for your shyness. Where did it come from? Why should you be shy and afraid, and what benefits do you have from this? Record your insights and refer back to them periodically.
2. Live with the understanding that people are primarily concerned with themselves, and there are no spotlights on you.
3. Know your strengths and weak sides . Do not forget that there are no ideal people, they are not divided into “good” and “bad” and you are not alone with your problem.
4. Always find reasons to praise and thank yourself. You need to do this regularly.
5. Strive to communicate more, get acquainted with new opinions, be interested in and study others, less “digging” into your own experiences. The tendency to reflect important quality but in moderation. Excessive introspection drives you in circles, moving you away from reality and interaction with others. Strive to do, not dream.
6. Exercise regularly. Movement is the basis of life. Sport allows you to release the accumulated negative energy fear and anxiety.
7. Always be prepared to be rejected or not appreciated. Understand why this scares you and what is the worst thing that can happen? You should learn to accept the word "no", do not strive to please everyone.
8. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Perfectionism will be a bad helper for you. Remember, learning something without mistakes is impossible.

Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.

1. Don't waste the opportunity to practice your social skills and communicate more. Learn from the experience of those who, in your opinion, have overcome their shyness. Go periodically to trainings in communication skills or public speaking, where you can learn not to be shy and openly talk about your feelings and desires.
2. Find comfortable societies for yourself. Don't do it like everyone else - just because most people in your circle like to have fun in clubs and chat at parties - this does not mean that you should do it too.
3. Always watch what you say and how. Notice people's reactions. Forget and get distracted from your fear. In moments of anxiety - repeat: "I am not afraid of people, they will not do anything bad to me, I should not please everyone."

Final comments

Shyness reduces our life potential and deprives us of many opportunities. This quality of personality has long been recognized as a problem in psychology and is being actively investigated. The ability to communicate is the key to success in social life.

Based on the majority psychological theories- shyness is not a congenital defect and not a disease.

You can deal with it on your own if you work on yourself regularly. By doing certain exercises when you need to communicate with other people, it is possible to cope with shyness here and now, and by making the above rules the basis of life, you can enjoy communication and forget about the problem of shyness.

Reasons for shyness(shyness, modesty, timidity) lie in the past of a person. This article provides examples of situations, circumstances that could serve as an impetus for the appearance of shyness and its further development. Perhaps in some examples you will recognize situations that have taken place in your life.

When born, the child is quite “empty”, his personality has not yet been formed, and in particular, he still does not know how to be shy, he looks at the world with open eyes. different behavior The child learns from other people, especially from his parents. At first, simply copying the behavior of other people over the course of life can result in developed behavior patterns in certain situations. When a child observes shy people, he can easily copy their behavior, facial expressions, gestures, emotions and project them onto himself. And if in childhood this is just a game of imitation, then with age it can become more serious, strengthened. So, a person can one day forget that it was just a game, and start playing shyness in earnest.

Shyness can develop if one of the adults regularly points out to the child that he is supposedly shy, although this may not be the case, or says phrases like: “Only you don’t be shy”, “You don’t be shy”, that is in any way draws attention to shyness. Then the child himself can begin to draw attention to it, consider himself shy, and already unconsciously begin to behave as a shy person “should” behave, experience emotions and sensations that a shy person “should” experience.

Children are, in principle, freer people than adults. Children do not yet have the mass of prohibitions in their heads that adults have. And therefore, when a child does not want to do something, he says: “I don’t want to” or “I won’t”, although from the point of view of an adult this may look impolite or ugly. And so, for example, if someone asks a child to tell a rhyme, sing a song or something else, and the child does not want to do this, and so directly declares: “I don’t want to,” then adults “from their own bell tower” can decide that he is shy and start to persuade or shame: “Do not be shy!”, “Well, why are you shy!”, “You are so shy!”, “Well, you are embarrassed!” etc. And then the child can really believe, decide that he is shy, accept someone else’s opinion that he is shy, and continue to live with this all his life, gradually, with each new situation, more and more “convinced” that he is really very shy Human.

The reasons for shyness may be rooted in fear of certain situations or their consequences. Where did this fear come from - again, from some episodes of the past. Perhaps there was an unpleasant experience - for example, an unsuccessful performance, as a result of which a person was ridiculed or somehow humiliated. Or even whole line similar experiences.

If a person is embarrassed by members of the opposite sex, then this could grow out of various kinds of perceived information - for example, that it is “normal” to feel awkward at some points when interacting with the opposite sex. In addition, in our society, in principle, there is a very lively opinion about the big difference between men and women, as if we were two in general. different types, or even with different planets. This stupid difference can provoke shyness in front of the opposite sex - after all, they are so incomprehensible, strange, and sometimes frightening - these girls (guys)! :) Yes, and the very concept of "OPPOSITE sex" is worth something!

The reason for shyness in someone may be the desire to be good, right, loved. There were simply “kind” people who imposed on him the opinion that “being shy is good”, “it is right to be modest” and in general “modesty is not a vice”, “it is better to be shy than arrogant”, “modesty adorns a person”. Here is a person who suffers later with his shyness, but he is a GOOD type!

A person can also be shy for purely manipulative reasons - so that everyone starts running around him, persuading him, paying attention to him. And that's not all, the roots of shyness can be very diverse.