Why are envious people unhappy? Envy. What is envy? What causes this feeling? How to deal with jealousy

Probably, there is no such person in the world who can honestly say that he has never envied anyone. This feeling sometimes arises during a person's life and invariably brings destructive emotions. Unpleasant emotions also bring those situations when they envy us ourselves. What is the nature of envy and how to overcome this unworthy wise people feeling?

What is envy.

In its simplest sense, envy means wanting to have something that another has. If we consider this issue from a scientific point of view, then envy is a certain set of feelings and corresponding behavior that arise in response to the knowledge that someone else has something desired, and not always material.

Envy is not the most pleasant feeling, and it destroys both the life of the envious person and the life of the object of envy. It is often accompanied by guilt, resentment, fear, and other destructive emotions on both sides.

But you can also find positive points even in such a negative way. It is believed that the feeling of envy contributes to the development of self-esteem and self-control. Jealous, a person begins to strive for self-development, and this is undoubtedly good. True, this is good only when the destructive feeling of envy is recognized and worked out.

types of envy.

Some people traditionally distinguish several types or manifestations of envy, although, of course, this division is very conditional:

"Black" envy is the most terrible and unpleasant feeling. To envy in a black way is to wish evil to someone who has achieved something more than you, even if everything else is not so smooth for a person. For example, if suddenly a friend with the same level of education and work experience is offered a position where the salary is many times higher than yours, suddenly thoughts like “Why does all this happen to him?”, “How did he deserve this?” etc. If further there is some resentment against fate or even worse, the desire that the position of the acquaintance still does not get, these are manifestations of black envy. Surprisingly, this feeling is experienced not for some members of the elite or famous rich people, but for their own acquaintances, whose life is not much different from the life of an envious person.
"White" envy is considered a good feeling, if at all it is appropriate to say so. This described feeling is close to admiration, when the achievements of another person make the envious person grow. However, there is a big difference between white envy and admiration. When a person admires, he simply states how great what others are doing or achieving. When a person envies, even if allegedly in a white way, he compares himself with another, i.e. here there is not just an awareness of the successes of another, but also negative thoughts “But I ...” or “But I have ...”. If a person can stop himself before the appearance of these thoughts, such a feeling will do him good. If not, it is not much different from the first kind of envy.
"Gray" envy is a kind of borderline feeling that is not always recognizable. This is a feeling of envy, which is not realized by a person. It’s just that sometimes someone becomes unpleasant and uncomfortable in the presence of another: the mood drops, despondency and apathy appear, dissatisfaction with life, it can even cause. If you try to recognize the cause of such mental changes, you can reveal that this is a reaction to stories about other people's successes, to some kind of boasting or intemperance of acquaintances. This inability to rejoice in the achievements of others is a rather bad factor. As with all other manifestations of envy, such feelings need to be dealt with.

How to deal with envy.

First, in order to combat the feeling of envy, it is important to accept the fact that it exists at all in a person. Realizing this is almost half the solution to the problem. But denial of the problem can trigger the situation. Then it will be possible to sort out the tangle of complex and confusing feelings only with a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Secondly, you need to deal with the origins of this feeling. It is necessary to identify the cause of what causes envy. So, it can be either the career successes of other people, or good personal and family relationships, or even the appearance of another person. And then you can already think why these achievements or qualities do not appear in you. Maybe the other is putting more effort into achieving career heights, quitting a career to save a family, or diligently takes care of his appearance? It is important to assess the whole situation objectively, considering your possible shortcomings: lack of initiative, weak will, etc.

Thirdly, you need to try to imagine yourself in the place of the person who causes envy. Moreover, to imagine his life completely, and not only those areas that cause a feeling of envy. What, along with his career achievements, would you like to spend money annually on the treatment of a long-term sick stomach or constantly quarrel with your family because of your constant presence at work? Or would you like to endure, together with your wonderful husband, his not-too-pleasant relatives, whose number seems to be only growing? Or did you suddenly want, along with an ideal appearance, to deny yourself everything that pleases the eye and stomach, and almost always be “forgotten” by friends? Only after answering these questions does a person begin to set goals for himself that he really wants to achieve.

In the future, when the slightest feeling of envy appears in your thoughts, you should immediately wish the person well. Such a tactic of spreading positive thoughts in the universe will definitely work, since thoughts are material. After all, if someone succeeded in achieving the goal, it means that the other will succeed too.

It is important to learn in the future not to compare yourself with others. The only person you need to compare yourself to is you in the past. There will always be people who are more successful than us, more beautiful than us, richer than us and more famous than us. But that doesn't mean we're bad. This means that our positive traits and the features are a little different. And if you have completed any item of your personal plan, mentally tick off that you did it, feel proud of yourself, and get down to business for the next tick mark!

If they envy you.

When you find yourself being envied, which is quite difficult to hide, two tactics of behavior can be envisaged:

You can distance yourself a little from a person who is jealous. This does not mean that you need to stop communicating with him, you just need to share less facts from your life with him, especially positive ones. You can even arouse his sympathy, because a person who is sorry is unlikely to be envied.
Another case involves a smaller demonstration of what causes envy. Since people from the inner circle usually envy, you can not show them your achievements in other areas. If your friends are jealous, you should not shout about success at work. If colleagues are jealous, you need to talk less about your handsome husband and excellent children.

In general, if you do not show disrespect or condescension towards others, do not be overly proud of your successes, then people will treat you without negative emotions.

Envy - bad feeling which at least once in a lifetime everyone must have felt.

Why is it important to recognize an envious person?

The people who surround us affect us in many ways.

Women are not so straightforward, and their envy is expressed differently.

She may be different: gossip, caustic remarks, feigned indifference, and sometimes, on the contrary, sycophancy towards the object of female envy. They also tend to weave intrigues.

How to understand that a person is jealous of you?

How to recognize envy? Envy manifests differently in everyone. Its main features are as follows:

You can also recognize an envious person if you study sign language a little. The following manifestations speak of this bad feeling:

Of course, having discovered some kind of gesture, you should not immediately see a fierce envious person in your interlocutor. But if you constantly notice a few of them, then you can talk about a certain degree of insincerity.

signs

Sometimes the closest are the envious. How to recognize this, and what are the signs?

envious eyes

Eyes give a lot to understand about feelings and sincerity person.

Envious eyes are sharp, piercing, and a person can try to hide this by covering them with eyelids.

He can look down, blink often, half-cover them. But even more often envious squints his eyes.

This look gives him the opportunity to both follow you and hide his facial expression.

It is quite difficult to recognize what kind of expression a person’s eyes have if, in fact, only one pupil is visible, and a smile shines on his face.

And yet, looking into the eyes, you can understand level of sincerity persons.

At a friend's

Female envy, even in relation to a close friend - not uncommon. It can be "white", when loved ones rejoice at your successes, without harming either you or themselves, and use your achievements as their motivation.

However, there is also a "black" envy, which tends to cause negative energy transmitted to the environment. Its extreme degree is revenge for other people's successes.

It is usually difficult for a person to hide such a feeling, and it can be expressed as follows:

In the circle of mutual acquaintances, the envious will not miss the opportunity put you in the worst light. If you notice at least a couple of these signs, you have full right assume that a friend is jealous of you.

From husband to wife

Envy is possible even between spouses. Men are extremely hard to bear, if the woman is more successful than them. And if for someone this is a motivation, then the other will envy and be angry.

It all manifests itself in the same way: the devaluation of the wife's successes, sharp jokes in the style of "A woman's place in the kitchen", an emphasis on defeat.

If you can just say goodbye to someone not too close, then the marriage is still worth trying to save.

Spouse task- talk to your husband, show him your love and motivate him to his own achievements. In marriage, people should be members of the same team, not competitors.

Relatives

Relatives are also those fruits.

Basically, they have two objects of envy - personal life and financial success.

So, coming to your good house, they may begin to look for flaws in repairs and furnishings.

If you are doing well financially, they may ask for a loan, and when you refuse to be offended and say not too good things about you.

They also tend to devalue and say that you are just lucky, they may pretend to be very nice to you, or they may openly show negativity.

Envy is very destructive, but first of all for the one who experiences it. Having found an envious person in your environment, you yourself have the right to decide what to do with him. But for your mental health Still, it is better to at least minimize contact with him.

8 signs that someone is jealous of you:

Envy is usually viewed negatively by people. However, this feeling is inherent in absolutely all people. There are no non-envious people, so you should know the causes and signs of envy. As with any feeling, there are ways to get rid of envy ..

What is envy?

What is envy? This feeling is understood as a negative feeling when it irritates the well-being and success of other people. At first, a person experiences irritation, and then begins to desire the same that other people have. Often this is manifested openly when a person conveys his irritation and desire to have other people's blessings in various verbal expressions. Sometimes people envy silently.

The most remarkable thing is that non-envious people are missing. Envy is inherent in everyone, regardless of gender, age, nationality and other privileges. It is given by nature to everyone in order to become an engine, an impetus on the way to the goal. If a person is jealous of someone else's happiness, then he should make an effort to achieve the same success.

There is a gradual subsidence of envy over the years. At the age of 18-25 people are the most envious. But as you grow up and age, after 50 years, envy decreases to a minimum. This does not mean that it completely disappears. It's just that older people are less envious and have reasons for envy than younger representatives.

Reasons for envy

Why is a person jealous? The causes of envy can really help in resolving the issue of how to get rid of it. The main reasons for envy are:

Need.
Dissatisfaction.
Lack of personal achievement.
Lack of material wealth.
Need for something.
Self dissatisfaction.

Envy has its roots in childhood. Then a person is faced with many prohibitions and restrictions, hardships that make him not enjoy life, but suffer. There may be such factors:

When parents taught a child to think that poverty is normal, and wealth is bad.
When parents did not love the child unconditionally, but only praised for good deeds.
When parents urged the child not to love himself as he is, but to constantly compare himself and be dissatisfied.
When parents forced the baby to share with others, and not to dispose of the benefits themselves.
When a child was forced not to show his happiness, to hide, not to brag.

A person grows up who does not know how to enjoy life, constantly limits himself in everything, does not allow him to achieve much in life. This leads to deprivation and goals achieved. When he observes the goods that he himself wanted to possess, then envy arises.

Another cause of envy is the constant comparison of oneself with others. There are "better" and "worse". A person envies what is "better" and what he does not have.

Signs of envy

Vivid signs of envy are those body movements that a person makes when he feels it. Observe the person's behavior when you tell him about your happiness. His facial expressions and gestures will tell about the true feelings of the interlocutor.

The smile of an envious person is often strained. Either only the mouth smiles, while the eyes do not squint, or the person smiles as usual, but there is no sound of an exclamation or any other manifestations of positive emotions. The lips are tight, the teeth are either visible or not, the corners are lowered. At the same time, the eyes do not radiate interest and brilliance.

Skeptics may smile on one side of their face (smirk), squint their eyes, and tilt their head to the side. In this case, the lips are not unclenched.

Closed poses also speak of envy, when a person covers his mouth with his hand, hides them behind his back, in his pockets. His body is fenced off from a happy interlocutor.

The movements of a person in a state of envy are often constrained and little active. He tries to restrain himself, because he even restrains his own emotions.

The study of envy

Envy has always been inherent, although many may argue that they have never experienced it. Even philosophers attributed envy to universal manifestations when they studied it.

Spinoza called envy dissatisfaction with someone else's happiness.
Helmut Sheh called envy a disease that psychologically exhausts a person.
Democritus said that envy leads to strife between people.
Melanie Klein called envy the opposite of love, because a person does not rejoice in someone else's happiness. He feels good when others feel bad.
Christianity considers envy as one of the 7 sins, as a manifestation of pride, when a person is contemptuous of those who are equal or higher in material or non-material well-being.

Envy has been treated negatively in all ages, considering it necessary to get rid of it. Its main manifestations are: slander against the one who is envied, zeal with annoyance, inappropriate rivalry. Envy has always stood at the source of wars, disputes and destruction.

AT recent times reveal the useful function of envy - stimulating, creative, motivational. When a person envies something, he strives to get it, that is, he begins to act. Another person is driven by the desire to create or acquire something that other people will envy.

Much depends on the person who acts under the influence of envy. After all, the only way to avoid envy in your address is not to talk about your well-being and success, which some people already do.

Types of envy

Envy is different. What are its types?

Short-term (envy-emotion, situational).
Long-term (envy-feeling).
Private (secret).
Public.

White and black envy are considered separately, which depends on its orientation:

White envy arises when a person, under the influence of his emotion, thinks and acts in order to achieve the same success as another individual.
Black envy arises when a person begins to slander, think about how to deprive the "lucky" of success, take away his happiness.

Feelings of envy

The feeling of envy is accompanied by various emotions: resentment, aggression, anger. A person compares himself with others - their successes and well-being. Envy arises towards everything that is considered better than the person himself has. In addition, it seems that someone else's success was achieved undeservedly. This leads to nervous exhaustion.

The feeling of envy grows the more desirable what others have. A person develops contempt and hatred for those persons who have what he himself wants to possess. Sometimes envy leads to frustration, depression, a thirst to possess someone else's happiness. The only way to get rid of envy is to give up own desires, which a person does not realize, but which he simply envy.

Psychology of envy

Envy is marked by a set of negative experiences that rage in a person. He hates those who have more goods and best success than for him personally. Psychology lies in the inability to rejoice in someone else's happiness, the appearance of negative emotions that intensify if someone else's happiness increases:

Someone else's success seems to be proof of one's own trouble, failure, inferiority.
Someone else's joy leads to annoyance and discontent.

There is a theory that envy is an innate feeling of every person. It pushes the individual to self-improvement. A person will achieve the success that he envies by observing it in other people.

However, as already noted, envy does not always push for achievement. Sometimes a person directs his thoughts to how to save those around him from their happiness, so that they stop humiliating him with their joy, turn out to be on a par with him or even lower.

Teenage envy

Envy intensifies in adolescence. Here you can envy everything: appearance, physical strength, beauty, hair color, having new gadgets, getting good grades, etc. Envy escalates during adolescence, which parents should be aware of. Any whim of their child at this age is not necessary to fulfill, otherwise the feeling of envy will only intensify.

Parents are the first factors that give rise to a feeling of envy in their child. They do this by constantly comparing their child to other children. Others are more successful in something, while the child must constantly pull himself up to their level. This leads to anger, and envy becomes the leading quality.

What should parents do in order not to develop and eliminate any feeling of teenage envy?

Let the child be himself and choose his own path in life, and not constantly compare himself and follow someone. Let the child be imperfect. The main thing is his improvement in comparison with himself, and not with others.
Teach your child to be content with little. Envy leads to the feeling that everything is never enough. Let the child learn to enjoy what he has. And any of his desires and goals can be achieved if he makes an effort.
Stop comparing your child to other children. Let him be himself, not like the others. Let him develop those qualities that are inherent in him and grow above himself.

Envy is considered a feeling that arises against the background of improper upbringing. If a person is constantly accustomed to the idea that he should compare himself with others and live better than them, then he will constantly envy, forgetting that it is necessary to equip his own life and make it the way you want to see it.

How to get rid of envy?

The feeling of envy consumes negative emotions. In order not to reach psychological exhaustion, it is necessary to understand the question of how to get rid of feelings of envy.

Find out why you are jealous. It may turn out that you do not really need it, you are already happy.
Realize that you don't know exactly how people achieved their happiness. If you knew what they had to do, what to go through, how to change themselves, then it is quite possible that you would not want to be in their place.
Engage in improving yourself, and not studying (monitoring) other people's successes. Stop looking for what is good in others. Pay attention to how you can make yourself happy.

We offer you tactics of behavior with people who envy you:

Don't tell them about your successes.
Ask them for help.
Do not enter into a dialogue when the other person is openly jealous of you and is trying to sort things out.
Enter into trust.

Outcome

Envy is a feeling that becomes a weapon or an obstacle, depending on the choice of the person himself. You should be aware at the moment when envy overcomes you in order to recognize it and eliminate it if it is not needed. Then you can achieve a good result, when envy does not gnaw at you, does not absorb your negative experiences and does not force you to do bad things.

In one way or another, envy is inherent in everyone - such is human psychology. A girl with straight hair is jealous of her friend's curls, an employee who has not received a bonus is jealous of a colleague who has earned a raise - there is no such person who has never been jealous. The difference is only in the degree of envy, its impact on life. The psychology of envy is such that it is customary to divide it into white and black.

Psychology of envy: what are the differences between white and black envy?

Some people admit that they envy "in a white way." This is perceived as praise, recognition of you as an ideal. But what factors “repaint” envy in different colors? After all, initially this feeling was taken for human vice who was condemned and despised.

Books on psychology say that the difference between black and white envy is in direction and intensity. Creative feeling is a vector of development. When a person sincerely admires the achievements of people in a certain area and does not become discouraged, but enthusiastically improves his skills, one can speak of white envy. It makes a person develop, achieve their goals.

Black envy is the opposite feeling. In this case, a person cannot come to terms with other people's skills and wishes him to "fall to the bottom." This feeling poisons the soul, destroys. An envious person cannot find peace, he always has Bad mood which often develops into hatred for the whole world. The psychology of envy is such that a person forgets about his true desires. He passionately craves the object of envy, even if he does not really need it. At the other extreme, the envious person wants others not to have this either.

The psychology of white envy is that a person does not feel anger at the same time. This feeling is creative - he adopts someone else's experience, listens helpful tips and moving forward.

This feeling is not born in a vacuum. As a rule, they passionately want to have something that arouses interest, the desire to possess - such is human psychology. Recognizing envy is very easy: after communication, the mood disappears, a feeling of annoyance and anger appears. In this case, you need to look deep into yourself and try to figure out if you really need it. Planning to achieve a goal will cheer you up - books on psychology claim that this process causes positive emotions gives inspiration.

Cultivating envy is a dangerous tactic. This is what all books on psychology say. Anger, bitterness and dissatisfaction with life can negatively affect physical health, provoke the development of chronic ailments, human psychology is changing. Envy is not an innate feeling, so it can and should be fought.

How to curb envy? What do psychology books say?

Envy gives rise to deep complexes, develops a sense of inferiority. If it is not dealt with, the consequences can be dire. A harmless, at first glance, comparison of oneself with others leads to impromptu competition. To a greater extent, it is one-sided, as people may not realize that you are competing with them. As a result, you suffer, personally destroying spiritual harmony.

To get rid of envy, you need to stop looking at others. Think about what you really want from life? When a person constantly compares himself with other people, he finds many shortcomings in his own thoughts and behavior and reproaches himself for them. First of all, you must allow yourself to make mistakes - then it will be much easier to recover from this "disease".

With negative emotions it is very difficult to build a happy family, raise self-confident and harmoniously developed children. Therefore, you need to know what mistakes to avoid.

Kill passive discontent in yourself. Human psychology is such that when some goal seems unattainable to him, then the defense mechanism turns on: I don’t have a car - and I don’t need it, it’s safer on a trolleybus. Such a postulate leads to inaction, and as a result, discontent accumulates.

White envy evokes completely different feelings - creative, positive excitement. It stimulates the search for a profitable solution to the problem, the achievement of the goal.

The fight against envy will be more successful if you activate the internal opposition to this feeling. When you feel like you're experiencing negative emotions because of the achievements of another person, try to find significant disadvantages in his life. Those people who have achieved success in their careers rarely spend time with their families, they cannot afford a good rest. A friend bought an expensive car? Comfort yourself with the fact that now he will have to work even harder to serve her.

Books on psychology call this method efficient and effective. But everything should be in moderation, otherwise you will develop a new vice in yourself - malevolence. The main task is to find flaws that will cool your ardor, and you will understand that you don’t really need an object of envy.

Work on yourself, fill your life

To eradicate envy, you need to cultivate yourself and fill your life with pleasant moments. When a person lives in harmony with himself, he does not envy others - such is psychology.

Think about the achievements in your life more often. Learn to be happy with what you have, prioritize correctly. Then you will not be jealous of a friend who bought a car - after all, you have no rights, and you do not like to drive. Analyze each envious thought, understand why it arose. Its psychology is that in the end you can come to the conclusion that you envy only the wrapper, and you don’t like the “candy” itself at all.

When you experience a feeling of envy, do not rush to “push” it deep into yourself. Listen to yourself, feel the energy inside. Think about what you can do right now to achieve the same results? Try to find a source of inspiration from which you will draw strength and energy.

The psychology of envy has important feature- when the feeling is fresh, it helps to act. Don't think about whether it will work or not, just do it. And do not forget to praise yourself for every achievement, even if it seems insignificant to you.

Psychoanalysis on envy

narcissism

There are no people who have never experienced envy. However, not everyone can openly tell another that you are jealous. Envy is one of the most rejected feelings in our society.

Feelings are what we experience inside. But feelings today are generally not honored, and many have forgotten how to recognize and differentiate them.

The word "envy" in Russian originated from the word " see" . It is assumed that it arose on the basis of the concept of the evil eye. Many modern people, especially the Russians, still do not part with the magical idea of the world, characteristic of our ancestors in tribal communities.

Philosophical Dictionary gives the following definition of jealousy:

Envy - this is a vice, which consists in the fact that a person experiences a feeling of annoyance caused by the desire to possess property, abilities, the success of the subject of his vice, his happiness. In order to hide his feelings from himself and others, the envious person dresses envy in the form of virtue, justice and claims that the one whom he envies acquired his fortune dishonestly, achieved success by cunning, and his abilities are pure fiction, etc.

Unlike philosophy, in psychoanalysis there are no categories of "good" and "bad" feelings.

Feelings are what is, like, say, the perception of a smell or color - a different smell and different color. You can, of course, say that black is good and brown is bad, but we do not think so. Feelings are what we respond to various stimuli coming from the world or from within, and they, of course, can be different.

In Russian, envy is multi-colored - black and white. Black envy is the desire to possess something that belongs to another, but with a touch of malice, annoyance. And here White envy- this is a desire to possess the same that he has, but at the same time with a touch of admiration or something.

But is the feeling of envy always a vice that must be hidden from others? Regardless of color, the feeling of envy can help a person achieve success. Without the feeling of envy, it is impossible to experience its opposite, the feeling of gratitude.

Those who do not know how to envy properly, cannot appreciate the achievements of another person and his actions, will not be able to experience gratitude.

Envy is a very early, inevitable and unquenchable force within a person that causes the envious person to react to their environment in a certain way. Someone still has something that is better than me, and this is the inevitable truth of life.

The better you treat an envious person, the worse he becomes. This last observation is particularly important because it has been repeatedly confirmed by psychopathological evidence. The more someone seeks to rid an envious person of the fictitious cause of his envy by giving him gifts and services, the more that someone demonstrates his superiority and emphasizes how cheap the gifts he gives him are. Even if this person gave the envious all his property, such a proof of nobility would humiliate him, and he would transfer his envy from the person’s property to his personal qualities: and if the object of envy raised the envious person to his level, he would not be at all happy with such an artificial established equality. He would begin to envy again, firstly, the personal qualities of his benefactor, and secondly, the fact that, in conditions of equality, his benefactor retains the memory of his past material superiority.

An envious person does the greatest harm to himself. Envy is destructive, fruitless and extremely painful. state of mind that causes suffering to a person.

Sociologist Helmut Schock calls envy a "basic anthropological category." The extent to which envy is social, i.e. necessity directed at someone else by a form of behavior is clearly seen from the fact that in the absence of others, the envious person would not have the opportunity to envy. However, as a rule, he explicitly rejects any relationship with the one he envies. Love, friendliness, admiration - such an attitude towards a person includes the expectation of reciprocity and recognition, it seeks to establish some kind of connection. The envious person does not need any of this: except in exceptional cases, he does not want the object of his envy, with whom - if possible - he would not enter into any relationship, recognize him as an envious person. The pure act of envy can be described as follows: the more intense and intent the envier's attention is to the other person, the more he becomes withdrawn in self-pity.

No one can envy without knowing the object of envy, or at least without imagining it; however, unlike other types of emotional relationships between people, an envious person cannot expect reciprocity. He does not want to be envied in return.

The envious person is not very interested in the fact that anything of value passes from the property of the one whom he envies to his own. He would like the other to be robbed, dispossessed, stripped, humiliated, hurt, but he almost never imagines in detail how he could take possession of the fortune of another.

envious in pure form- not a thief and not a swindler in relation to the object of envy. Moreover, where another person's personality, qualifications, or reputation are envied, the question of theft cannot arise; an envious person may, however, cherish the hope that the other person will lose his voice, his virtuoso abilities, beauty or honor.

The motives for envy and the stimuli that cause this feeling are ubiquitous, and the intensity of envy depends no longer on the size of the stimulus, but on social inequality an envious person who is envied. And personal maturity, which allows a person to defeat envy in himself, seems to be achieved not everywhere and not always. The envious person, who must somehow come to terms with the manifestations of inequality in his life, and the object of his envy, when he tries to ignore the envious person (both of these processes can sometimes occur simultaneously within the same person), will use religious beliefs, ideologies, proverbs, etc., seeking to reduce the power of envy and thereby allow ordinary life continue with a minimum level of friction and conflict.

Envy often turns out to be so long and intense, and its influence on a person so bewitching, that one involuntarily begs the comparison of envy with a passion that has nothing to do with love, but is related to such destructive passions as hatred.

Throughout history, at all stages cultural development, in most languages and in widely differing societies, people have been aware of the fundamental problem of their existence and have given it special names: envy and the feeling of who is its object.

Envy is the energy that is at the center of human life as a social being; it arises as soon as two individuals begin to compare themselves with each other.

This desire to compare oneself enviously with others can be found in some animals, but in man it has acquired a special meaning. Man is an envious being and he would not be able to build social systems, to which we all belong today, if not for the social prohibitions activated inside the object of his envy.

If we were not forced to constantly consider the envy of other people for the excessive pleasure that accumulates in us as we deviate from social norm, "social control" could not exist.

An envious person is always called to be ashamed. However, its existence, or belief in its omnipresence, at the same time has always generated enough latent fear of other people's opinions to ensure the evolution of the system. social control and maintaining balance.

Although some modern psychological schools practically expunged the word "envy" from their vocabulary, as if it simply did not exist as a primary source of motivation, the evidence available to us psychoanalysts leaves no doubt about its universality.

Psychoanalysis asserts that the susceptibility to envy is much more characteristic of man than of any other animal. main reason This is a long childhood, which is much longer than the childhood of an animal, and exposes a person to the test of helplessness and intra-family brotherly envy.

Envy is one of basic feelings, which appears in a person almost from birth and by the age of 3 it is fully formed.

That is, to experience envy is normal according to our human nature, it is an inevitability given to us by human nature.

Melanie Klein (British psychoanalyst) gave the following definition of envy: "An evil feeling due to another person possessing and enjoying something desired - the envious impulse is to take away and spoil it." The envious person does not always want to actually possess what the other has. He wants to take away his property because of the pleasure that another person gets from it.

That is, in fact, envy arises for someone else's pleasure due to the inability to experience one's own.

Remember the tale of Snow White, when her stepmother became jealous of her stepdaughter's beauty and youth and ultimately decided to destroy her. In this tale there are echoes of the mother's envy of her own daughter, and daughters in many situations are very afraid of their mother's envy towards them. The origins of such fear lie in the fact that once little girls themselves experienced envy of maternal beauty, omnipotence.

If in childhood a child was rejected, repelled, not loved, then he simply did not have satisfying sensations, and the lack of his own pleasure can cause envy of the ability to enjoy another person. Unhappiness, deprivation increase envy, because the more your needs are not satisfied, the more hostility is directed at the one who is better now.

And in the end - the main conclusion on how to deal with envy. Do not deny it, give it the right to life, because without it your socialization and striving for new achievements are impossible.
And most importantly, learn to enjoy own life! The pleasure of another is the main source of our envy, and our own pleasure is the main indicator that we will be envied.